If there is one ADHD symptom that creates awkward social situations and hurt feelings, it has to be the lack of tact. It’s normal for children of all ages to say what’s on their mind, but those with ADHD are even more likely to have no sense of control over their speech. Regardless of whether or not your child was speaking the truth (and chances are, he or she is probably right), every parent needs to deflect these inappropriate statements. Once the words have been said, someone is bound to get offended and you, the parent, might feel helpless or embarrassed.
Teaching manners and tact to children with ADHD is just as important as helping them manage their symptoms. Social skills do not come naturally to children with the disorder, and it’s a parent’s job to teach them what to say and what not to say. By doing so, you’re helping your child become appreciated and liked. Here are ways to teach tact to kids with ADHD.
Let your child know what to expect
Children in preschool and early elementary are expected to know how to behave in public and around society, but these skills have to be taught. If your child is not prepared to handle these situations, he or she is not going to know how to behave. Experts in etiquette and parenting suggest anticipating problem situations and talking to your child about it to avoid hurt feelings and embarrassment. Let your child know what might happen and how he or she should react.
For instance, you’re about to go to grandma’s house. Grandma likes to cook healthy food, which your child is not too crazy about. Tell her, “Grandma is going to make dinner and she can get very sad if she makes a nice meal and you say yuck.” You can then suggest that your child keep quiet about what she thinks and avoid eating what she doesn’t like. Similarly, if your child is receiving presents, let her know that the giver may be hurt if she says, “I don’t like this” or “I already have this toy.” Tell her to just smile and say thank you.
Let your child spend energy
For solemn occasions like weddings or funerals, tell your child that he or she will be expected to stay on their best behavior during the event. Of course, your rambunctious little one won’t sit still just because you said so; help your child along by suggesting that he or she let off some steam before you head out. Let your child run around the park and scream while doing so, using up all his energy before getting ready for a serious occasion.
Role-play a situation
One other way to help your child understand what went wrong is by role-playing the situation. Experts suggest using stuffed animals and make a game of it to help younger children learn social skills in a fun manner. Normally, adults get very tense when their child says something inappropriate. When we explain what went wrong while we’re tense or angry, the lesson doesn’t sink in very well. The child will then get confused or scared, and fail to understand what went wrong.
Using stuffed animals relieves this tension around the lesson you’re trying to impart. For instance, have one stuffed animal say rude and hurtful things – “You’re so fat!” The other stuffed animal can interject and say, “That’s not a nice thing to say.” The first stuffed animal can insist, “But it’s true!” You can your child will probably giggle about the silliness of the conversation, and you can reinforce the lesson by adding, “It’s important to be careful about what you say about other people’s looks. If you see someone who looks a little strange or funny, try not to say it out loud. Whisper it into my ear or tell me about it when we’re alone.”
Be direct with adolescents and teens
When dealing with adolescents and teens, parents should be direct about the tact and behavior they expect. Bad behavior should be confronted when we see it, and we need to be firm about our values. No putting other people down or hurting their feelings for being different.
